I just wanted to take a second. You know how some days you just wonder if you're the only one who feels the way you do? The days where you feel like your eyes are so tired that they burn with the crying sensation? The times you just want to sit on the shower floor, let the hot water sprinkle all over you, as you just let out the tears you push back... you know, because you're tougher than that? The times you look in the mirror and think, life is so crazy. Crazy in a good way, but crazy. You look at how different life is than how you imagined it 10 years ago, but yet, you embrace it, because in a weird way, it's better than you could've imagined, but at the same time, how did life happen while you weren't looking?
Do I make a good enough effort everday? I swear I try, but could I be better? I'm sure I could. Motivation... inspiration... goals are set and schemes are made. And yet, I don't know how good I am at making them all come to fruition. I've decided that life, a quality one, is a choice. It's a hard one to acknowledge and achieve. I can live life, or I can liiive life. Am I okay with complacency, or am I trying to be better than I was yesterday, last week, month? I honestly don't know why I'm rambling like a mad lady, but I was just thinking, and wondering, am I the only one? No, I know I'm not, but sometimes you just reach out. For a sense of human contact, emotional support that sometimes we just stop nurturing. Yes, I'm slightly crazy :) And oddly, I do feel refreshed. Oh the power of prose.
6 comments:
Don't worry, Jen. I hear ya. You sure aren't alone.
I totally hear you. Life is sooo different than I pictured it in YW when they said to picture your life in 10 years, but I'm also happier than I imagined I could be. Funny how life unfolds.
Well said! Love you!
I remember when my cousin Cameron was applying to get his MBA he told me his figured the next few years are going to pass by, and I can either have an MBA at the end, or not have one. I might as well push myself. I LOVED that. I tryyyy to apply that to my life. But I'll be honest, I usually fall short. :) I think about this a lot too. You and I could really talk, Jen! I also think abotu this one thing I read in a magazine - it said ask yourself these q's: If I were 10% more aware, how would I be enjoying life more? or if I were 10% more aware how would do I such and such differently, etc. I couldn't even finish the q's! It required more deep introspective then I usually do and quite frankly, I wasn't sure if I was ready to put so much effort into things to make them better, even if things would be better. Crazy, huh? I think sometimes I just kind of push things off, distract myself, rather than actually get down to the nitty gritty of trying to make life different. Even if I really want it to be different! So weird. Anyway, you're the best Jen. You and I just need a little vacation somewhere to sit back and collect ourselves. :)
I totally get you. Seriously life is crazy and busy and nutty and wonderful and joyful, etc., etc. etc.
You are an amazing woman Jen! I love you!!
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